So, why can't I blog?

My excuses

1. School

2. School

3. My dog

4. Getting over my ex--broke up in December, still not perfectly okay.

5. My dog.  She's cute, okay? 7 months and the most adorable puff ball ever.

6. My parents still dislike my ex.

7. Every time I log in, I die a little inside.

8. I have nothing to talk about excluding all the things that are going wrong in my life. i.e. (grades, miserably dead love life, and an lovely knack of comparing everyone to my ex)

9. I am out of school, but still on school mode.  Meaning I go to bed at a miserable hour and get up at 7.  Sleep is for losers.

10. Every time I log in and see his updates I want to kill myself--something that I should have done years ago and is becoming more and more appealing each day.

It's an illness
a fucking soul-sucking illness.
I want it gone;
I want it dead.
I want to rip it out of me,
tear its heart open and watch it bleed.
But I can't do it; its invisible.
It will always win.
So I give up.
Jealousy, you're a cruel, heartless bitch.
He can find someone else.
I'll watch and feel horrible about myself.
Because there is nothing I can do
to stop the burning in my chest
when he says her name.
I can't do a damn thing.
I know he loves me;
that much I'm sure of.
But I cannot shake this feeling.
So, I'll let it consume me
And any hopes I had for a future with him.
You win, Jealousy.  You fucking win.

Hello my lovlies.  No poem for you today.  Sorry.  I'm working on a few though.  Just a small update on things going on in my life.  And there is a lot! So sit back and read if you wish.  None of these are recent actually.  Just thought I'd give myself a little reminder why I shouldn't be glum.  List form? Sure.

1. He finally made up his mind... which ended up in my favor.  Go me!  (Took him a while though)
2. Moved out of my FIVE person dorm into a single.  Hooray for sanity with fewer panic attacks!
3. Pulled up my statistics grade.  Thank you extra credit.
4. Edited SIX chapters of my novella.  (Novel November anyone?)
5. Started writing nightly.  So far its going nicely.
6. Speaking of the S.O., wrote a few poems about him (even more xD) which shalt not be posted.  His eyes only.
7. Got over, somewhat, my fear of reading to people.  (His doing.)
8. Got some new shoes...that I could actually afford.  Still feel like a broke college kid though.
9. Raided the library's shelves of books to be donated.  Only took home twelve...the first time.  All together twenty-four.
10. And, the S.O. again.  (Last one, I promise.) Well, he's coming for a visit.  (Stupid long distance xD)

Well, that's my life.  Rarely exciting, but rarely boring as well.  Oh, and I've begun something new.  Send me a picture via e-mail and I'll write about it.  Pretty please?  I'll adore you forever and ever!  Message me for my e-mail.  (Don't want to be flooded with spam!)